Gollum, The Not So Secret Riddler
by LumosMaximan
Summary: When playing riddles with Gollum, please make sure you keep you secrets quiet, unless you want to end up on the wrong end of it. My alternative question in the caves with the Riddles Quest. (Movie-Universe) Labelled as Gollum and Bilbo but its a secret Thorin/Bilbo towards the end.


**Little bit of love for Bilbo and some humour from Gollum! **

**Never trust Gollum with your secrets...unless you want them bad mouth out loud! O.o**

**I do not own The Hobbit. All rights go to T.R.R Tolkien. I own this little story though. **

This creature seemed to be cleverer than he first anticipated. As he stood tall over Gollum, Bilbo pondered over the riddles that he had been throw, the confusing yet easily simple. This creature equally as good; as he seemed to struggle in his seemingly calm state, but is sharp and quick in his more aggressive and hideous nature. That was making him a cunning and worrying foe. Bilbo had his sword still pointed out towards him as he prowled around him as a deformed creature. His squeaky and skin crawling voice mumbling to himself, discussing with his other half over what to question next. Bilbo turned at the creature chuckled darkly and leapt upon the boulder, leaning close to Bilbo, as sword distance as possible. "We gots one, Bagginses, we gots one:

_Voiceless it cries,  
Wingless flutters,  
Toothless bites,  
Mouthless mutters._

Let's see if yous can get it!" he squealed and hopped around like a creature in pain. Bilbo pondered over the answer moving around the shallow shore, watching the ripples flow over the lake. Bilbo stopped and stared at the lake. The ripples? Ripples...Wind? He looked down in though, mumbling the riddle to himself, making sure he had the right answer. "Does Bagginses give up? Does we win?" Gollum pounced down near Bilbo. The hobbit turned quickly pointing the sword at the creature.

"Let me think..." he stated, as the creature simply huffed and sat in front of him patiently. "Wind...its wind..." he looked back at the creature that rolled his body over and moaned in frustration! Crying and screaming.

"No...Clever hobbitses, very clever!" he mumbled as he pulled himself onto the rock, brooding over Bilbo correctly answering his riddle. "Your turn Bagginses..." he pouted and glared at him with those frightening eyes. "We don't loves this game anymore!" he called in his 'innocent voice', Bilbo turned back to the lake.

Love... "Love..." he whispered, looking down at his sword, thinking of that one person. "Love..." he said fairly louder. Gollum rolled his head in Bilbo's direction and huffed.

"What?" he asked in what seemed to be a very bored tone. This creature was very unpredictable. Bilbo turned and faces him.

"Remember, if I win you have to show me the way out!" he pointed his sword out to Gollum.

"Yes, yes we promises, and if we wins we eats Bagginses...so what is your riddles?" Gollum hopped closer, peering into his soul with those haunting eyes.

"Who...do I...Love?" he stated simply. A whisper in his voice but a question never the less. Gollum looked taken back and looked around in shock and confusion.

"What?" he scratched his head, looking back and forth from the river and the rock, up back towards Bilbo.

"Yes...that's my question...Who do I love?" Bilbo firmly stated, pointing his sword towards Gollum, trying to look superior. That awful shrill was cried out again as Gollum flung himself around like a rather demented creature. Hopping form one rock to another, fling himself forward in front of Bilbo panting and gritting his teeth.

"Give us three guesses!" he grilled and pointed towards Bilbo. Bilbo sighed but nodded never the less, he doubted this creature extremely as he did not want anyone to know who he loved, but this creature seemed so out of it then he didn't care less what he sprouted out of his mouth.

"You loves...you loves..." the angry voice repeated over and over, after his grotesque cough, his more innocent and childlike face appeared, smiling up at Bilbo, "you love Gollum!" he smiled, arms open wide as if he had succeeded.

"No!" Bilbo glared, pointing his sword with a confused and worrying look.

"Oh..." Gollum dropped his arms and sighed, brooding, "Why not?" he pouted at Bilbo who sighed frustrated.

"Do you give up?" he pushed the creature on, he needed to get out of here and didn't want to spend hours negotiating riddle with this poor creature.

"No, No!" the creature hurried as he panted and hummed hard over the possibilities of what to love. "You loves...erm...goblins?" seeming quite doubtful over his answer.

"No...One last guess..." he moved closer his sword still armed at the creature. Gollum thrashed around more and more, even flinging himself into the pool of water, splashing around in a childlike tantrum before propelling himself onto the nearby boulder.

"You loves...erm...you loves...erm..." he hummed hard over his answer, looking down to Bilbo. Bilbo rolled his eyes and gestured just to get on with it. "You loves...Thorin Oakenshield?" he was unsure of that name, as if he just pulled it out of nowhere, a random name out of his equally random head. Bilbo's face paled, he lowered his sword, shocked and startled by the answer.

How the bloody hell did he know?!

Gollum squealed in joy jumping around as he guessed correct. "You loves Thorin Oakenshield! You loves Thorin Oakenshield!" he sang over and over, a voice filled with joy and humour. Any louder and Bilbo was sure Thorin could have heard it.

"Yes, yes...Now shut up!" he pointed his sword. Gollum sat with his smug and chuffed smile, as if making fun of Bilbo.

"Is yous gonna tell him?" Gollum moved further. "If yous do, tell him Gollum founds out! Before we eats Bagginses!" he nodded before his face turned violent, leaping toward Bilbo, who in turn narrowly escaped the vile creature. The creature simply laughed as he looked around at Bilbo. "Bagginses isn't happy, not when he cannot sees us!" the creature reached for his side and then panicked, screaming over his lost trinket. Bilbo's hand subconsciously closed over his pocket as he edged towards the exit he came from. The creature turned screaming how he had been stolen from and lunged once more for Bilbo.

Being chased by this hideous creature was the terror of Bilbo. He swerved and squeezed through nooks and crannies of the boulders when he came to the narrow pas, squeezing himself through (losing a few buttons in the process) he slipped on his ring and made his escape. He found the entrance in no time but when Gollum cut him off, he was doomed. But the relief filled through him as he saw Bombur then Bifur then Dwalin run past. Gollum hid but began an awful smile. He began to sing loudly. "Bagginses loves Thorin Oakenshield! Bagginses loves Thorin Oakenshield!" Bilbo was serious going to kill that thing; he was lucky as Thorin simply ran past ignoring the stupid creature.

After taking his leap of faith over the thing he bounded down the hillside towards the Company, slipping the ring off his finger and sliding it into his pocket. Reaching the group in time and having explaining why he came back. Smiling the group was prepared to leave the god forsaking place. "That place was extremely confusing..."Thorin stated as he gathered his weapons.

"Why is that Thorin?" Gandalf looked down at the dwarf with a gleam in his eye.

"Well, that thing we ran past...did you hear what it said?" his brow frowned. Bilbo paled and tried to hide behind Bombur. "Kept repeating that someone loved me?" most of the Company chuckled as the moved down the hill.

"You must be imagining things!" Balin patted him on the shoulder as they ran down the slope, Bilbo trailed after Bofur engaging in conversation over the Goblin fight. Thorin simply stared as Bilbo walked away.

"Baggins loves me..." he whispered, looking back up to the exit and back to Bilbo, the smallest and sweetest smile accompanied by a equally sweet blush crept onto his face as he hurried to Gandalf's side. Thorin was going to question him about this.


End file.
